East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
