If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
