Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Mom said you looked used
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
