bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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