you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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