did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
