Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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