It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Who died my cat blue again?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
