Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
