finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
