i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
