I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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