Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
