If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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