A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
