I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He felt like a one man threesome
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
