I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
