Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
