none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
