Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
