I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
