a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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