So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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