I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
