I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
