I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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