Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
