On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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