dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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