she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
