did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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