I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
