three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
