In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
