I hope mine doesn't look like that
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
