is your mom at the bar?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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