Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
