my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
