Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
