How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
