You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
