saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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