the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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