i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
