My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's the barista slut.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
