Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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