keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
