Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
