4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
