I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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