Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
