hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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