Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
a search helicopter?!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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