Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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