idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
